Death Seems Better Than The Migraine In My Head

Hey Zombi! So I shared that video of yours on tumblr when you went off on someone during a livestream when they said some ignorant shit about your tank top and it got a pretty big reaction! I was wondering how you deal with all of the negativity on your videos/during your livestreams. I can't imagine that it's easy. from corrahlovesyou


It’s definitely easier some days than others.

I was doing a 24hour stream this past Saturday-Sunday for St. Jude’s Play Live charity event and all day I was getting boob comments left and right in the chat. I didnt even comment on them and we banned them, but we must’ve banned over 200 accounts that day. Crazy, but I wasn’t too annoyed until the point where I didnt even have any of my chest on camera and it was happening. I commented on how pathetic it was to just see a girl’s face on Twitch and then post “boobs” like how unintelligent they must be that of all the things they could offer to the conversation - that was all they had.

No bother still, just a little annoyed. But I actually teared up for a split second and felt really sick and tired of the mean shit and boob shit being said toward the very end of the stream because of one thing some ignorant fuck said int he chat. I had 1 hour left to stream and I was just about to do a SteelSeries giveaway for the people who donated to the charity. I was really happy, smiling, no boobs were showing and I was saying people could get their last donations for charity in right then to get into the giveaway when I looked at the chat and someone wrote:

"this girls a cunt"

And usually that word doesn’t bother me, but at this moment I was pouring my heart out for this charity and why people should donate tired out of my mind just trying to use what I have to motivate people to do something good for sick kids. I was drained physically and emotionally, giving everything I possibly could at the moment to be chipper and happy despite all the perverted and horrible things said to me by randoms popping in and out of my stream all day and this one person had the gall to call me a cunt… ME… A CUNT. It hurt and I felt sad. I took a deep breath and started going through the list of donors to distract me but some people in the chat noticed. Some of them said they felt so bad for me and that they wanted to cry, reading those comments made me realize I had to let it go and move on like I usually do. No matter how bad I felt, it didnt matter. That one commentor trolly or ignorant- it didnt matter, they dont matter. I had to push on for everyone else who looked up to me, for everyone who was counting on me. I had to do it for myself too. I secretly battle depression and I don’t talk about it because I don’t want it to be true, but the more I dwell on these things the more they affect me so I have to just let them go.

Sometimes it’s easier to do than others, and sometimes I get stuck in a self-loathing haze for a few days-even weeks. But I always remember that the comments mean nothing to me or my life and then I can be happy once again. Sorry for the novel btw.